Sometimes all you can do is cradle and kiss her when she cries.

*I am posting this for MrsMiss1 who is our regular Sunday contributor*

So I was hoping to be more light hearted in this post because I do have that side of me (I think), but to be honest I feel that I have to write what is happening currently – what I’m currently thinking about, dealing with, feeling.  Maybe that will change but for now Little Miss Jr. and her fevers have my attention.  If you need to be caught up to speed please read ‘Welcome to Parenting’ (https://thisisparenthood.wordpress.com/2013/01/27/welcome-to-parenting), the first post of this blog.  I hope even though the theme is not light hearted that I can still share the good, the bad and ugly of it.

Hubby went to NY on Tuesday night, due to come home Wednesday afternoon.  Tuesday, Little Miss Jr is much fussier than usual.  She cried the entire to and from picking up Little Miss at daycare, which is no dream with two kids, I tell you.  I’m feeling frustrated because I’m on my own, with two kids.  I have to do dinner, bath time and bedtime alone – which is a lot of work already – and now Little Miss Jr won’t stop crying.  That night she sleeps fitfully … the sleep I’m coming to know as “the sleep before a fever”.  I don’t even want to know her temperature in the morning but I take it and decide not to call the MD.  It wasn’t very high and I am not dragging two kids to the ER by myself for a third time for the same whole routine (blood work, catheter and spinal tap) – I know an emergency when I see one and this was not one.  That’s not to say that it didn’t work every nerve in my body.  I called hubby and we enacted “Plan A”:  Treat for 24 hours with Tylenol and if it gets too high we will call the doctor during office hours, not the on-call doctor at night.

Fast forward to Wednesday.  Hubby’s home, I’m exhausted and it’s Hubby’s night to sleep with Little Miss Jr… but I’m nervous, and still up every 2 to 3 hours to check on them.  4am – FEVER ALL GONE!!!  HOORAY!!!  We made all the right difficult calls.  Sigh of relief.  Nope.  Not. So. Fast. 7am comes, and little miss junior blows past our fever limit; time to call the doctor.  Worry returns.  LMJ visits the doctor again that afternoon.  We decide it’s most likely an upper respiratory infection but we’ll keep in close touch.  No invasive procedures for now.  Currently (Friday) she is on the mend.  Consistently lower temperatures (not all a comfy 98.6) but still very fussy and I am sore from the calming routine.  My ERGO muscles hurt.  For those not familiar with the ERGO, my shoulders, back, and hips.

The Good:  I am learning, with a second child, that sometimes all I can do is rock her when she cries.  Sometimes for a long time.  Sometimes for 45 minutes.  This is my limit as her mother, a human limit.  I cannot bounce, rock and carry all day long, though I do for large portions of it.

More Good:  After a day or so without seeing her real personality – just staring or crying or sleeping – I got to sit quietly with her in my favorite chair, next to my favorite lamp and she just looked at me and I knew that she was OK.  I am able to give her something I craved as a kid – to be held warmly, rocked slightly – and it’s almost as if I’m giving it to myself as well.

The Bad:  Do I even have to say?  I’m not super excitable but fevers are a phobia, for sure.  Realistically, I may  have a kiddo on my hands that just gets high fevers like 105 [degrees].  I may have one of those kids that has a seizure as a result of a high fever (uncommon but not comfortingly so).  It is scary and sad.  My poor baby.

The Ugly:  I am sharing this because I believe it is true for many – it’s like I’m wired to find some way that this is my fault:  my house isn’t clean enough, the two beers I drank the other night (which I pumped and dumped by the way), stress I caused her in utero, and any other twisted way you could imagine this is my fault, which it couldn’t possibly be.

It is my night to sleep again – wish me the best of luck.  I CANNOT wait!!!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s