Mommy Love

My mother is a sappy woman.   If I’m sitting next to her she’ll lightly stroke my arm.  Sometimes I catch her staring at me.  Just staring at me with a little proud grin on her face.

It creeps me out.  I know, I know.  She loves me.  And it is wonderful that I have never in my life doubted that my mother loves me.  But it still gives me the heebie-jeebies.

This quality in my mother got worse when I got pregnant.  My mom was dying to be a grandmother.  She seriously could not wait and she couldn’t exactly hide the fact that she thought her children were making her wait way too long to experience grandmotherhood.  So when I told her I was pregnant with her first grandchild, I braced myself for some serious ooey-gooey mommy love.  I tried to indulge her as much as I could.  I mentally counted to thirty as she rubbed my back while we watched tv.  I gritted my teeth when she touched my stomach when I was only 8 weeks pregnant (that’s just my stomach Mom, there’s nothing more than a little speck of a baby in there, so you’re just touching my stomach – it’s weird).  There was one particular phone conversation that we were wrapping up and I thought to myself, “ok good.  She didn’t say anything painfully cheesy this time.  Phew.”  And then my mother sighs a big dramatic sigh and says to me, “I love you honey.  More than you can EVER imagine.”  Gag.

When I brought my baby girl home from the hospital I found myself, like most new moms, frequently gazing at her in awe.  Three years later and I’m still in awe.  Being a mother is amazing.  The love that I have for my daughter is immense.  She makes me so proud and so happy (she makes me want to pull out my hair as well, but we’ll get to that).  I jump at the chance when she’s watching cartoons and says, “Mommy, will you cuddle with me?”  I melt when she reaches over with her amazingly soft fingers and holds my hand.  I watch her on the monitor a little longer than is really needed to just check on her.  And it’s not out of the ordinary for me to tear up a bit in the silent moments after she falls asleep cuddled up with me and I start thinking about how beautiful she is and how much I love her.

So ok Mom.  I get it now.  I still don’t really want you to touch me.  But at least I get it now.

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One thought on “Mommy Love

  1. Pingback: I need some space, Mom | This Is Parenthood

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