Tomorrow is my birthday. I’m turning 34 and man, I feel OLD. I don’t know what’s happened to me this past year…Oh wait, yes I do! I had kid #2 and we moved 3,000 miles away from our families! How could I forget? Yeah, this past year has done me. I genuinely feel tired, and worn out, and tired, and achy, and tired, and out of it, and tired, all the time.
I think maybe I need to make the next year different in some way. I need to actually go to my yoga class once a week (Sharon are you reading this?). Not just say I’m going to go to yoga, or promise that I’ll go next time, or pretend that the two minutes of stretching I did while lying on the floor with A was a substitution for the class, but actually GO to yoga. Every week. No excuses. Must buckle down on that one. That would be a start.
Getting old scares the living crap out of me. Number one thing I fear: death. Number two thing I fear: getting old. I sat next to this elderly woman on a plane not too long ago and she was having the worst time of things. She could barely sit, she could barely stand, she needed to get pills out of a plastic baggy and it took her much, much longer than it should have to retrieve them. I desperately wanted to help her at every junction, but she was determined to do it all for herself. Sitting in such close proximity to her for so many hours really got to me. I desperately want to live a long and healthy life so that I can see my grandchildren grow up. I have lost so many people in my life who were much too young, and I feel like my genes are working against me.
I know that I’m only turning 34, but I don’t like how old I feel. It has really been a year where I can literally feel it in my bones. It’s almost as if this past year was five instead of just one. I didn’t know how hard raising two children without help could be until I was in the thick of it. I imagine it will get easier as they age and can care for themselves more than they do today but, for right now, I feel like someone should be buying me all that “over the hill” paraphernalia.
If the saying is true, and you’re only as old as you feel, then I’m in trouble. As my lovely British friend would say, “Bollocks.” Happy birthday to me!