Achey Breaky Daddy

Somewhere between the birth of my first child and today I got old.  Yes yes, we’re all getting older all the time, and being five years senior to Red I had a good head start to begin with, but there’s something about raising small children that seems to accelerate father time.  The last time I shaved my beard, the large collection of new white hair amidst my virile non ‘old man’ hair had grown quite substantially.  The new arrivals have setup camp and they’re not going anywhere as far as I can tell.

Have you see the pictures of presidential candidates a year before they take office compared to the after pictures a year or two into their terms?  They go from energetic campaigners with that used car salesman smile to grey, subdued and tired in the wink of an eye.  Presidents have it easy.  As they say, it’s not the years, but rather the mileage.

Are you familiar with the term ‘repetitive stress’?  I call this Daddy Shoulder, or Mommy Shoulder if you prefer.  Daddy shoulder is a general soreness in the back of the shoulder blade that arrives shortly after child birth and won’t go away for 3-5 years.  There is no known cure and having a second child will only exacerbate the problem. Daddy Shoulder is always kind of there, and the phrase “daddy daddy I want to play upside down” will enflame the issue.

When you’re 22 years old with no children and you’re walking home from an evening of {insert non-parent activity here – drinks, dinner and a movie, sporting event, party at a friend’s house, the symphony etc etc} and you take a misstep and twist your ankle, no big deal, in a couple days you’re fine.  For some reason that same incident now takes roughly three and half years to heal up and stop hurting.  If it does stop hurting.  I’m not sure it will.  You might just have a sore ankle for the rest of your life, I’ll let you know.

Ibuprofen is now a good friend of mine.  We relax together at the end of many a long day.  He tells me what’s going on in the bottle with the other little guys, and I listen patiently while he works on Daddy Shoulder and other assorted non-healing ouchies that appear from thin air and won’t go away.  A couple weeks ago I remember leaning into little miss junior’s crib to pick her up and definitely feeling a ‘tweak’ in my hip at the same time.  Super, new ouchy to let me know my nervous system is working fine.  Anyways a day or two goes by and I begin experiencing moments of knife stabbing pain that runs from my right hip under my leg into my groin.  Groin and pain are not two words a man likes to use in a sentence together.  Red, being an occupational therapist suggests I might have a hernia and recommends some things.  Well I don’t have a hernia (got checked).  My doc thinks I have some torn cartilage on my hip joint, that is ‘catching’ from time to time over my hip bone, which results in a wonderful shower of eye popping pain where Daddy has to take a moment for his vision to clear.  Good stuff.

Excuse me, but I have to go eat some prunes and the tennis balls just fell off my walker and god knows how long it will take me to put those back on since the tube from my oxygen tank barely reaches the floor.  Oh I’m kidding.  The tubes on my oxygen tank are plenty long enough.



One thought on “Achey Breaky Daddy

  1. I have ‘Mommy hip’ a permanent hip pain from carrying little ones while trying to cook / tidy etc with one hand. Enjoyed your post

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