I own a heavy metal toolbox filled with tools. I used to have a drill with a cord. My new drill? You guessed right, cordless. So when Red told me that if I loved her I would fix the leaky toilet in our hallway bathroom, well shucks… I’m not the kind of man that disappoints a lady in the handy department. This was a call to action.
I can’t rightly say that I’m a professional when it comes to household repair. No sir, that would be overstepping my bounds. I mean, I do know my way around a wall anchor or two… and my toolbox does have a digital stud finder. You heard me. But I’m no Bob Villa, no sir. I used to have some honest to goodness carpenter pants somewhere… although I’m pretty sure everybody did in NY for a few years there, you can look that up if you’d like.
Red and I have done a lot of moving over the years. During one move, after Red had spent several hours unpacking boxes, and sorting our lives back into a new home, I vaguely remember coming in, picking up a hammer and hanging a picture on the wall… then steadfastly declaring that ‘my work here is done’. I believe Red dryly bemused that yes, I was quite the hero. Indeed we both saw things eye to eye there… so much so that any time I hung something on a wall for years to follow, I’d quickly point out to Red that I had just been a hero again. She always finds this gesture both heartwarming and hilarious. Always.
Given my hero stature Red knew that I’m a man who can handle a hammer, and a cordless drill… and sometimes, when the situation calls, some channel lock pliers. That’s right. So she knew who to call with her leaky toilet problem…. And call me she did, because I was in California at the time, and she casually mentioned that if I really loved her I would fix the leaky toilet in the hallway. She was putting on a brave face but I could hear the tension on the other end of the phone.
With a firm grasp on the gravity of this situation I lept into action. In the blink of 6 to 8 lightning fast weeks that toilet is now fixed. Did I stutter? That’s right kids, ask and ye shall receive. The first few weeks after I returned from Los Angeles were spent on exhaustive R&D around the problem. It appeared the arm thingy (technical term) on the toilet handle was bent, causing the plunger thingy (technical term) inside the toilet tank to get caught on the plunger chain since it no longer hung taut which resulted in a leaky toilet. Try and keep up.
The R&D phase of the project ran until yesterday. When the toilet handle broke clear off the bent arm thingy. Up till now our crack research teams had come up with “jiggle the handle, it will stop the leaking”. This was only a stop gap measure, and now all hope was lost on that front. No use jiggling a handle that’s not connected to the arm thingy. Fear not, as I’m nearly a professional handyman, and I’ll deal with this pronto.
What to do?
Like a flash I’m off to the hardware store. Eureka. They sell replacement toilet handles and arm thingy’s at the hardware store. 20 minutes later, with a little pressure from my trusty channel locks, and that toilet is fully functional and leak free. In the blink of an eye, or just under 2 months since requested, that toilet problem is no more. There’s no need to thank me… really, I’m just a man. I do what I do, its not about the accolades. I’m not in it for the accolades… that telling mixture of joy and relief on Red’s face is reward enough. I own a heavy metal toolbox filled with tools, and I’m not afraid to attempt using them.