I was driving behind two different cars today that both had New York license plates (one of them also had a big UB sticker on it), and both times a deep feeling of sadness swept over me. In those moments when I was waiting for the light to turn and peering into the NY cars, I just missed home so much. I kind of ached. I often wonder how long I’ll feel this way. The other time in my life when I lived outside of the northeast was when we lived in Seattle for six years and, during that period, I never got over my desire to be back on the east coast. But, at that point, hubby was getting his PhD so I knew that there was an end in sight and that we would most likely move back. I guess I wasn’t that worried about it then.
Fast forward to now. We are going to be here – in Portland – for as long as we can see into the future. Forever? Maybe that’s why it hurts so much. I really wanted to flag down the drivers of both cars today and ask them about their lives. Did they just recently get here (I assume the answer is yes since they don’t have Oregon license plates)? What part of NY are they from? Are they going to be here “forever” too?
I think the hardest thing for me is knowing that my children will grow up and only know themselves as Oregonians. I don’t have anything against people from Oregon, but I’m certainly not one, and I don’t know that I’ll ever feel like one. And yet both my girls will have no memory of ever living anywhere else. We moved here when my oldest was two and a half and my younger daughter was only 3 weeks old. They will grow up here and all of their friends will be here and they’ll probably want to go to an Oregon college and they won’t think anything of it. Will I long for NY that whole time? Will it ever feel like my roots are here? I know I may sound massively over dramatic, but I feel like someone very close to me has passed away and I mourn for them everyday. And some days are better than others, for sure. And the more time that passes, the less it stings, but I’m just not sure I’ll ever get over it. I guess you can take the girl out of NY but you can’t take NY out of the girl.