A Morning in the Life. A Morning in the Life… A Morning….IN.THE. LIFE. DAMMIT.

Please get up honey it’s time for school.  Please get up.  Get up please.  It’s time to get up.  You need to get up NOW. What would you like for breakfast?  Are you hungry, what would you like for breakfast?  For Breakfast, to EAT.  What do you WANT?  Are you listening to me at all?  Cereal, fruit, toast, oatmeal or toast.  Cereal, fruit, toast, oatmeal or toast.  The same three cereals we had yesterday.  Do you really need to see the boxes?  Here are the boxes.  Fruit, toast and oatmeal.  FRUIT.  TOAST.  OATMEAL.  Excellent choice of cereal.  We are out of strawberries.  Because we don’t have any.  Because you ate them all.  No you cannot have a treat, it’s time to get dressed for school.  Can you put your clothes on like a big girl?   Your clothes, please put them on.  Please put on your clothes.  What should you be doing by now?  That’s right, your clothes.  Yes I can help you with your socks.  Please put on your shoes.  Please get your shoes and put them on.  Why are you not putting on your shoes yet?  No ballet shoes are not good shoes for school in the winter time.  Because they are fancy shoes.  Because it’s cold and wet outside.  Please get different shoes.  Please.  Now please.  Yes, those are the right feet.  Good job.  Yes you have to wear a hat.  Because it’s cold and wet outside.  No you cannot have a treat right now.  I don’t want to talk about potential treats later in the day.  Because that’s ridiculous.  If you ask about treats again there will be no more treats for the rest of your life.  Never mind, that wasn’t important, Daddy’s just tired because your sister was up a lot last night. I know all babies cry, thank you.  Please pick a lovey and we can go to school.  No you can’t bring three lovey’s.  Because that’s the rule.  The school’s rule.  Because it is.  A lovey.  Please pick one.  ONE.  Playdough is not a lovey.  Because it isn’t. I’m sure there will be treats for “insert child’s name here” birthday tomorrow.  Because there usually are.  Do you have a lovey yet?  Ok let’s go to school.

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