Recently I saw this link cycling around facebook: http://carolynee.net/a-letter-from-a-working-mother-to-a-stay-at-home-mother-and-vice-versa/
I liked the idea. Its intent seemed to be one of support and non-judgment. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, though, and it took me a couple of days to realize that it seemed that both mothers were talking to the other as if they were always at their best. Something along the lines of “I know you made the choice you made for all the right and best reasons and while you are either working or at home you are doing it perfectly.” So I started to think of my own version and here it is – from one mother to another. Love to you all…
I am so fucking tired. Are you so fucking tired? Let’s just rest our eyes for a moment and then acknowledge the mom in each other. We are both moms and being a mom is fun, and hard, and all-consuming and a primary role. I’m certain that we both take it very seriously and that nothing in the world is more important than our kids. I’ll make you a deal – I promise not to hold you up to a perfect standard and you do the same for me. We’re so imperfect. Let’s be imperfect together. Better yet – let’s show our kids, our partners, and the world how imperfect we are so we can take a deep breath and step out from under the anvil of pressure put on us every day to be supermom. I don’t want to be supermom. I don’t want you to be supermom. I just want to support each other. I want to be kind to you when you’ve got disheveled hair, mismatched socks and a toddler hanging on your hip while you try to push the stroller through a door with one arm and a foot. Let me open the door for you. I want you to be kind to me when I use my “very annoyed” voice because my older daughter has said the same thing 15 times in a row while my younger one smacks me in the face. Shoot me a “can’t young children be the most annoying ever sometimes?” look and wink. Let’s try not to worry about who spends how much time with whose children when and where. Let’s try not to let our children carry the burden of reflecting our perfection. Let’s just be friends.