I’m Poooping

It’s late in the day.  Red is out to dinner with a friend for her birthday.  We’ve already had dinner… or at least, the kids have had dinner.   Which really means that Vera has spread a bunch of food across her head and torso while ingesting roughly 30% of what she picks up in her hands.  Her older sister has barely touched her plate and I know there will be a round of ye olde “I’m Hungry” sing-a-long right before bed.

I’m doing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen while my little ladies watch a mind numbing episode of Caillou on Netflix.  Lucy is bouncing in her chair, bouncing off the arm of the chair, bouncing off the wall next to the chair… all with an alarming amount of energy for a child that should be winding down for bed.  I holler from the kitchen and alert the masses that it will be ‘straight to bath time’ when Caillou is over.

Ignoring my earlier rant that “this dinner is all you have to eat before bed”, elder sister inquires if she can have a bowl of frozen mango while watching Caillou.  I look over at her prepared plate of fish sticks, corn, diced red pepper, and toast… sigh, and reiterate the rant from 15 minutes prior.  Still bouncing in place Little Miss whines a solid four year old’s lament of how unfair life is.  Caillou comes to a merciful end and I declare ‘bath time!’ for all little girls in hearing range.

Bouncy smurf keeps bouncing in place on the red chair and Vera is standing in the middle of the TV room un-moving.

“Ok guys, let’s go, bath time!” I command for a second time.  Lucy obliges and starts trudging towards the hallways upstairs.  Vera is stuck in place as if made of stone.

“C’mon Vera, bath time,” I say again.  No response, no movement… she’s standing there contemplating the universe in the middle of the TV room.  Now Lucy has trudged back from the stairs and has decided to join me in the Vera interrogation.  In very Lucy fashion she marches to within a half inch of Vera’s face and coo’s sweetly at her something about bath time.

“I’m poooooping.” Vera proudly declares.  Not moving an inch.

“No yur not,” Lucy replies laughing.

“Pooping RIGHT NOW.” Vera responds with emphasis, scrunching up her eyes while working on ‘something’.

“Ewwww,” says Lucy, “What are you doing with your face?” She inquires, all about 2-3 inches from Vera who is obviously still hard at work there in the middle of the room.

“No Lucy!” shouts Vera, “Bad Lucy!” and she tries to give her a push but hits nothing but air… Lucy’s bouncy constant motion would make a featherweight boxer proud.

I gently ask Lucy to give Vera some space please, and head upstairs to the bathroom.  Ignoring me and Vera, Lucy continues “You’re not pooping… what’s wrong with your face?”

I ask Lucy a second time, a bit more forcefully, to please leave Vera alone and head upstairs.  I’m ignored again and now Vera is shouting “Bad Lucy” at her sister but still standing in place.

I break, and order Lucy upstairs for 5 minutes of bouncing.  We recently got a solid kid’s trampoline for the girl’s room, and it’s a good tool for getting out energy…but Lucy is not fond of doing things by herself.  She slunks a few feet towards the stairs and then bursts into a puddle of tears on the floor.

“Big Poopie Daddy!” Vera exclaims proudly.

Yes honey.  Congratulations are in order.  Big Poopie.